It's daily.
To wake up every morning...and feel a twinge of sickness over the mistakes of the day before. How can God possibly forgive me of all my faults? Why can't I be good enough for Him? How can He possibly be pleased with me? Why won't this constant guilt go away? I'm so tired of trying, so tired of fighting...
I know the answers, and I know the relief of freedom and healing, but these days...the relief just never seems to come.
I'm so tired.
(((hugs))) I know the feeling. It really does get better eventually!
ReplyDeleteMistakes are not always sin. Relax. :) Tell the condemnation to take a hike - far, far away. Remember that you are loved. It is ok. It will be ok. You don't have to perform. You can just BE for a while.
It won't go away because of the stuff with your family. Your mind was messed up as a kid, and getting onto a more normal track now is therefore very, very painful. I went through so many days of second guessing and absolute fear that I was wrong. Even though I technically knew that I wasn't wrong, and that my parents' demands really were crazy, years of being their child and obeying their rules and following their every instruction meant that my mind was constantly twisted into a pretzel and my heart felt like it was going through a shredder. Hang in there, though, it does get better. It just takes time. (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteHugs from me too.
ReplyDeleteYou don't know me but I stumbled across your blog a few days ago. I know a few people that are in the type of belief system that your parents are and I share your concerns for them. I recently heard this awesome sermon by Voddie Baucham who talks about people with Zeal Without Knowledge... Basically those who "do all the right things" but do not have the knowledge of God through faith. Anyways, here is the link: http://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?SID=53111240487
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