My fiance has officially moved to a state that is 2,000 miles away; I probably won't see him until next April. It hurts.
However, it seems I am learning that through pain and brokenness comes dependence on the Lord, my healer and my redeemer. And, in my weakness, the strength of the Lord shines through.
I want the Lord to be glorified in my life so badly, through all these tough times...and I'm sure there will be more in the future.
My parents would possibly state that the Lord is punishing me by moving Blake to another state, or that He is demonstrating that it is not His will for Blake and I to be together.
Unless I were to get hit by a semi or something before the wedding, I know that it is God's will for Blake and I to be married. The past year has been a nightmare, but through that nightmare the Lord has saved me, drawn me to Himself, and showered grace and forgiveness on me; I am learning and beginning to truly understand His grace and mercy for the first time. As hard as it has been, I would not choose to remove every heartache of this past year, because it was through that heartache that the Lord brought me to Himself.
And now...as I sit here looking at a future that seems so uncertain, with Blake so far away... On one hand, I know that the Lord will grow me and love me just as He has done in the past year, and that He will be there always...that He will make my relationship with Blake and my relationship with Himself stronger through the separation. On the other hand, I feel uncertain and afraid and wish that maybe things could be a little different.
I must trust Him...but despite seeing Him working so mightily in my life in the past year, my humanness still finds it hard to trust. Oh for the grace to trust Him always! Part of me longs for Him and trusts Him, and another part of me says, "Please...I just want a brief relief, a respite, some happiness, some good news for a change."
As the Bible says...His strength is made perfect in weakness...after this year, I hope I will be a very strong in the Lord.